Adults and Sexual Assault

Although anyone - men, women, and children - can be assaulted, this section will first focus on adult female victims of sexual assault and male victims of sexual assault will follow.

There are a lot of ways that women can be involved in sexual activity against their will. The force used by the aggressor can be either physical or non-physical. Some women are forced or pressured into having sex with someone who has some form of authority over them (e.g., doctor, teacher, boss). Women can be bribed or manipulated into sexual activity against their will. Others may be unable to give their consent because they are under the influence of alcohol or drugs. In some cases, the sexual aggressor threatens to hurt the woman or people that she cares about. Finally, some assaults include physical force or violence.

Women who have been assaulted and/or abused by someone they know may feel guilty or responsible for the abuse, feel betrayed, question their judgment and have difficulty trusting people.

Perpetrators often believe myths such as:

• Women owe men sex if they spend money on her.
• Women play hard to get and say no when they mean yes.
• Women enjoy being pursued by an aggressive male.

Additionally, alcohol and drugs may be factors in these sexual assaults. Regardless, it is NEVER the victim/survivor's fault.

• No matter what she wore.
• Where she was.
• Whether or not she fought back.
• Whether or not she and/or the perpetrator were drinking or doing drugs.

Perpetrators are 100% responsible for their actions.

Signs of Sexual Assault / Abuse

Does anyone you know:

• Force you to have sex when you don't want to?
• Force you to perform sexual acts you don't like?
• Criticize your sexual performance?
• Deny you sex?
• Force you to have sex with or to watch others?
• Threaten to hurt you if you don't desire sex?
• Commit sexual acts that you consider sadistic?

Remember you have the right to determine with whom, where, when and how you are going to be sexual with someone.

After the Assault - Feelings and Reactions

After a sexual assault, women can experience a wide range of reactions. It is extremely important to note that there is no one pattern of response. Some women respond immediately, others may have delayed reactions. Some women are affected by the assault for a long time whereas others appear to recover rather quickly.

In the early stages, many women report feeling:

• shock, confusion, anxiety, and/or numbness.
• feelings of denial
• may downplay the intensity of the experience (this reaction may be more common among women who are assaulted by someone they know)

In the first few days and weeks following the assault, it is very normal for a woman to experience:

• Intense and sometimes unpredictable emotions and or mood swings
• Feeling numb and detached, like being in a daze or a dream, or feeling that the world is strange and unreal
• Difficulty remembering important parts of the assault
• Reliving the assault through repeated thoughts, memories, or nightmares
• Avoidance of things (places, thoughts, feelings) that remind the woman of the assault
• Anxiety or increased arousal (e.g., difficulty sleeping, concentrating, etc.)

While these initial reactions are normal and expected, some women may experience severe, highly disruptive symptoms that make it incredibly difficult to function in the first month following the assault.

Many victims of sexual assault report struggling with anger after the assault. Although this is a natural reaction to such a violating event, there is some research that suggests that prolonged, intense anger can interfere with the recovery process and further disrupt a woman's life.

Shame and guilt are common reactions to sexual assault. Some women blame themselves for what has happened or feel shameful about being an assault victim. This reaction can be even stronger among women who are assaulted by someone that they know, or who do not receive support from their friends, family, or authorities, following the incident.

Social problems can sometimes arise following a sexual assault. A woman can experience problems in her marital relationship or in her friendships. Sometimes an assault survivor will be too anxious or depressed to want to participate in social activities. Many women report difficulty trusting others after the assault, so it can be difficult to develop new relationships. Performance at work and school can also be affected.

Sexual problems can be among the most long-standing problems experienced by women who are the victims of sexual assault. Women can be afraid of and try to avoid any sexual activity; they may experience an overall decrease in sexual interest and desire.

Alcohol and drug use can sometimes become problematic for women who are the victims of assault. Often, women will report that they use these substances to control other symptoms related to their assault.

Male Sexual Assault

Sexual assault of boys and men is prevalent and very abusive. The myth that boys and men do not experience abuse and do not suffer from the same negative impact that girls and women do is false.

Like women, men who experience sexual assault may suffer from depression and other emotional problems as a result. However, because men and women have different life experiences due to their different gender roles, emotional symptoms following trauma can look different in men than they do in women.

Who are the perpetrators of male sexual assault?

Those who sexually assault men or boys differ in a number of ways from those who assault only females. Boys are more likely than girls to be sexually abused by strangers or by authority figures in organizations such as schools, the church, or athletics programs. Those who sexually assault males usually choose young men and male adolescents (the average age is 17 years old) as their victims and are more likely to assault many victims, compared to those who sexually assault females.

Perpetrators often assault young males in isolated areas where help is not readily available. Most perpetrators of males are men. Specifically, men are perpetrators in about 86% of male victimization cases.

Despite popular belief that only gay men would sexually assault men or boys, most male perpetrators identify themselves as heterosexuals and often have consensual sexual relationships with women.

After the Assault - Male Feelings and Reactions

What are some symptoms related to sexual trauma in boys and men?

Particularly when the assailant is a woman, the impact of sexual assault upon men may be downplayed by professionals and the public. However, men who have early sexual experiences with adults report problems in various areas at a much higher rate than those who do not. Males tend to develop emotional disorders, have high incidence of substance abuse and sometimes can lead to risk-taking behavior during adolescence.

Men who have not dealt with the symptoms of their sexual assault may experience confusion about their sexuality and role as men. Our society dictates that males be strong, self-reliant, and in control; unfortunately they are not also recognized as victims.

Furthermore, when the perpetrator of a sexual assault is a man, feelings of shame, stigmatization, and negative reactions from others may also result from the social taboos.

When the perpetrator of a sexual assault is a woman, some people do not take the assault seriously, and men may feel as though they are unheard and unrecognized as victims.

Some men attempt to prove their masculinity by becoming hyper-masculine. For example, some men deal with their experience of sexual assault by having multiple female sexual partners or engaging in dangerous "macho" behaviors to prove their masculinity.

Because of these various gender-related issues, men are more likely than women to feel ashamed of the assault, tend to not talk about it, and to not seek help from professionals.

Getting help for men who have been sexually assaulted?

It is important for men who have been sexually assaulted to understand the connection between sexual assault and hyper-masculine, aggressive, and self-destructive behavior. Through therapy, men often learn to resist myths about what a "real man" is and adopt a more realistic model for safe and rewarding living.

If you are a man who has been assaulted and you suffer from any of these difficulties, please seek help from a professional who has expertise working with men who have been sexually assaulted.